Sometimes in our discomfort and anxiety,  we rush into apologising. We desperately want want to make things better- to relieve our stress, ease pain and avoid danger, so we do all we can to quell the conflict and keep the peace.

But authentic forgiveness is not about keeping the peace, it’s about letting go of our hurt and resentment, and making room for love to heal. This is a journey which requires us to acknowledge and process the depth of our anger and pain, which can often take time. For some this may take months, years, decades or even be a life-long process, and that is ok. God knows your story, and God sees your heart (however long it takes).

I remember listening to a podcast on forgiveness by the very brilliant trauma therapist, pastor, writer and speaker- Dr Anita Phillips*. She introduced me to the “the want to want to” prayer. She talked about a period in her life when she was struggling with forgiveness. In her angst she prayed “Lord I want to forgive” but quickly came to realise she didn’t really feel that so started praying “Lord I want to want to forgive” instead. “God I don’t want to, but I want to want to”. Perhaps this is a prayer you need today.

May you have the courage to keep pursuing forgiveness,
and the compassion to honour its pace with kindness.

*In the Light Podcast, The F Word  https://open.spotify.com/episode/3iw077mM4OuwVjrPAMIWNs?si=bHcciKi8S4qa7FlkjxeT3g&t=3226