Today I find myself pondering the gift of walking and the freedom it brings. Not only the physical freedom of being able to strap on my boots and walk (mostly) wherever I choose, but also the freedom of not having to ration my energy. Not spending an entire walk tense with anxiety, constantly worrying how long to stay out, how far to go, when to stop, when to go- constantly tiptoeing the precarious tightrope between pushing my body too far and never leaving the house. Feeling a bitter dread, churning and burning in the pit of my stomach; knowing this walk will cost me the rest of the day’s energy, most likely the next and possibly, the next too. The total exhaustion of dragging limbs which seem to simultaneously carry the full weight of the world, and completely collapse under my weight. 

Here I am, (almost) decades on from those long days wading through CFS/ME, and I rarely consider whether I’ll have enough energy for the day or week ahead before taking a long walk. I struggle to articulate the depth of joy, gratitude and relief I feel in being able to step out of my front door and walk without fear, anxiety, severe pain and fatigue flooding my entire body.  To have the choice and freedom to explore and immerse myself in the outside world unencumbered, rather than observing it through a window or screen. It is one of the most precious gifts; it is such a huge privilege. I hope I will never take it for granted. 

For those who find yourselves housebound, those navigating the loss of mobility, and those walking with hidden pain and illness….xxx